Don’t Ignore the Relationship Red Lights<! -- force hide the author box -->
“I’m unhappy in this relationship.”
“This isn’t working for me.”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Expressions like these from your partner often come during an argument, so you might shrug them off as just words from someone who is upset. You might even think, “Well, I feel that way too.”
These are red flashing lights. Ignore them at your peril!
Statements that express unhappiness in the relationship like these express pain. They are about feeling hopeless, defeated, and done. When someone can’t get the love, intimacy, and connection in their relationship, if they cannot fulfill the need to be secure with their partner; they will be in pain.
If your partner sees the relationship and you as the source of that pain, they will begin to move away.
This pain will show up as a type of depression or grief, as they accept the relationship may be over. Once your partner moves into a state of detachment, it is often too late to reconnect.
What to do?
My advice: don’t wait!
If you’re hearing words of defeat and giving up, don’t let your relationship sit in that place for long. It might mean you have to learn new skills or re-prioritize the relationship over other things in your life.
Get a book, start reading online, take a seminar, talk to friends, see a relationship counselor. Do something now.
Irrespective of what you believe, you must treat your relationship or marriage as a voluntary choice. Help your partner continue to make the choice to stay in the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll become complacent, ignore the red flashing lights, and find yourself on one end of a breakup.
Marlon Familton, MA LMHC is a relationship counselor working to help couples navigate the choppy waters of love and romance. Author of the book, “Fix Your Partner in 10 Easy Steps or Less!”
Contact Marlon at Bellevue Family Counseling in Bellevue, Washington.